well hello. i don’t even know where to begin. like most all of us, i’ve found myself on a journey i couldn’t have predicted if given a million years to guess. looking back, i thought my life was going to be a certain way, and, well, now it’s not. so this blog is all about how i’ve adapted, transitioned, held on, let go, and kept breathing all along the way.

does my story resonate with yours? are you looking for the same things i am? i hope you decide to read on just a bit further ~ find out if we might could lend each other a helping hand and a friendly conversation. i’d like to think i could find some friends out there who want to do this life thing with me the slow and steady way, the patient way, the calm and curious way.

so what am i looking for? sanity, for one. as of this posting, i find myself staying up past my ideal bedtime of 10pm (ha, who am i kidding anyways?), in order to get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper. and since finding an actual pen and actual paper is a shot i’d rather not take, i’m typing out my thoughts instead. my 17 year old son is due home from work soon, my 12 year old daughter has just jumped out of the shower and made a b-line for her bedroom without so much as a quick “night-mom-love-you!” on her lips, my 3 year old girlie was tucked into HER bed over an hour ago, which means i’ll probably be seeing her in MY bed in just a couple more, and my 2 year old twins are down for the count until morning, barring any unforeseen circumstances.

so my first curve ball is easy to identify: i’m a stay-at-home mom (out of necessity) of five kids aged 17 down to 2. i always pictured myself as a breadwinner kind of gal, so this always-in-the-kitchen-or-driving-the-minivan gig has really thrown me for a loop. i mean i do a full load of dishes at least two, if not three, times per day! don’t ever let anyone tell you that this job isn’t a real job, or that it’s a lazy man’s version of a real job, or that it gets easier as your kids get older, or that living in yoga pants and showering twice a week in the bomb. none of that is true. i mean, we all love our kids and wouldn’t trade them for the world and thank our lucky stars above for their health and safety, but all that said, it doesn’t for a second minimize the hurdles us parents must clear in order to keep it together 24/7. this is vigilance at it’s finest, keeping these little humans alive and thriving. and sanity has to come front and center for success to be ours.

my second curve ball is a little harder to define because it is multifaceted: i’ve been a certified health coach since 2011, taught countless nutrition workshops, led even more clean-eating challenges, coached one-on-one with clients, the works. but all that is behind me (refer to curve ball #1 for details), and i find myself with minimal freedom and just about zero flexibility. i long to be a professional, to make a name for myself, to encourage others to find their name too. through confidence, energy, and belief. i want to empower the world to get healthy, ya know? big picture kind of stuff. but, i also genuinely want to put my family first, keep my house together, have healthy food at the ready, earn enough money to keep us all comfortable, and radiate out enough enthusiasm and energy to make it all click on the daily.

is this actually possible? can i do it all? can i have it all? do i even want it all? what would that even look like? i ask myself these questions at least often enough to realize i could (and probably should) start writing about the answers i’ve stumbled upon, and the ones i have yet to find.

and the ultimate crux, the one main theme that i keep returning to over and over again is this: is there really a balance to it all? the chaos and the hobbies and the love, the obligations and the projects and the bittersweet heartbreak, the longing and the presence of mind and the absence of self, the drawings on the fridge and the zeros in the bank account and the boxes in the office, the clothes that got too small way too fast and the shoe sizes that just keep getting bigger and bigger without my permission. where’s the balance? how do we find it? how long will it take?

well, after almost three years as a stay-at-home mom who never thought she would be, and as an aspiring entrepreneur in health who always believed she could be, i’ve decided that the answer is “no.” there is no balance. balance is for the birds. and that’s what this blog is ultimately about. throw balance out your back door ladies (and gentlemen), because we will be embracing quite the opposite. just typing this out loud i already feel liberated from its chains. and that is what i’m looking for. freedom from fighting so hard to force something that is, quite possibly, impossible to achieve.

so, if you find yourself ready to slow down and embrace the unpredictability and natural imbalance that is your life, then come with me! i’m not about goal setting or schedules or routines. not that those things are bad, but i’m not about setting myself up for failure and disappointment and internal battles of perfectionism or bust. the all-or-none approach to life is so “pre-kids” anyways. i’m about acceptance and faith and breathing and courage. and a 100% commitment to the moment i am in. this is how i want to live, and it would be so very rewarding to have your input along the way.

thank you for getting to know me just a little, i’d love to hear about your story and your curve balls too! here’s to learning and laughing with patience and purpose all along the way,

jenni.